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Nickrj’s rant for Wrestlemania VII

 

Live from the Los Angeles Sports Arena in Los Angeles California on March 24th 1991

 

This was right in the middle of the Gulf War as Sgt. Slaughter an Iraq turncoat was the WWF Champion. Hulk Hogan was the challenger as he fights for America.

 

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan

 

Willie Nelson sings America The Beautiful

 

The Rockers VS Haku and The Barbarian (with Bobby Heenan)

Hacksaw Jim Duggan is subbing for Heenan at the announce table for this match. Oh well at least he doesn’t wrestle here tonight. Haku starts with Shawn Michaels. Haku with a kick to take advantage and he gets a bear hug throw in the corner. He catches Shawn in midair but Shawn hits a flying tackle for 2. Shawn grabs the right arm but takes a shot. He ducks a punch and tags Marty Jeanetty and they hit a double slam and double elbow and Barbie comes in and nails both Rockers. They come back with a double superkick on Barbie. Marty continues with Barbie and he takes a chop and a headbutt. He blocks a right and slides underneath. He hits a sunset flip but ducks under a punch. Shawn does a dropkick and Marty gets a sunset flip for 2. Barbie with a headbutt and he tags Haku and they hit a double headbutt. Haku hits a huge chop and Marty jumps on the shoulders but Barbie comes in and they stungun Marty on the top rope. Haku with an elbow. Barbie comes in and hits a press slam. He nails Shawn to draw him into the ring and the heels double team Marty. Marty gets a cross body on Haku for 2 but he is sent backfirst in the corner. Haku hits 2 backbreakers. Barbie comes in and covers Marty for 2. He hits a clothesline and goes to the bear hug. Barbie powers Marty in the corner. He catches him off the top rope into a power slam. He goes to the top and misses a diving headbutt. Shawn gets the hot tag and he hammers on Haku. He does the 10 punch count and hits Barbie with a spinning cross body. Neckbreaker on Haku for 2 but Shawn takes an eye poke. Sunset flip by Shawn and Jeanetty helps him. 4 men brawl with a double dropkick on Barbie. Both Rockers are on the top. Marty hits a missle dropkick and Shawn hits a flying bodypress on Haku for the pin at 10:33. Good opener ***1/4

 

Gene Okerlund interviews Regis Philbin (a god!) who makes a funny joke about Earthquake. Marla Maples who will be doing interviews in the men’s locker room and Alex Trebek of Jeopardy! Who calls Gene “Jim” And he tries to do a J! question

 

Alex: The answer is “Guest Ring Announcer”

Gene: I’ll buy. Who is our guest ring announcer?

Alex: No Gene that’s the answer not the question.

Gene: What’s the answer?

Alex: Not what, who.

Gene: Who? The ring announcer that’s who.

Alex: Sorry Gene you didn’t phrase it properly in the form of a question so were going to have to penalize you. We’re going to go right back to ringside right now.


Where’s Abbott and Costello when you need them?

 

The Texas Tornado VS Dino Bravo (with Jimmy Hart)

Both of these guys are dead now. Tornado is Kerry Von Erich. Bravo jumps Erich as he gets into the ring and he knocks him to the outside. They go back in and Tornado hits an atomic drop and he hooks the claw but Bravo powers out of it. Erich runs into a boot and Bravo hits an inverted atomic drop and a couple elbows for 2. He hits the sidewalk slam but only gets 2. Bravo hits a 2nd rope elbow and some kicks in the corner. Erich catches Bravo goes to the 2nd rope again and Erich catches him with the claw hold and he hits the Tornado punch for the pin at 3:11. Blah match 1/4*

 

The British Bulldog VS The Warlord (with Slick)

Davey Boy Smith has his bulldog Winston with him. They tie up to start and Warlord powers Smith in the corner. Tie up again and they get into a shoulderblock contest. Smith knocks Warlord outside. Warlord with a kick to take advantage and he counters a crucifix with a samoan drop. Warlord slowly hammers away and he hits a bearhug. Bulldog powers out of it and he takes a stungun. Warlord hits a belly to belly suplex followed by a snap mare into a chinlock. Smith gets back up and hits some elbows and a dropkick. He rams Warlord’s head repeadily and he hits a double axhandle and a crossbody gets 2. Warlord reverses a pile driver but gets sunset flipped for 2. Bulldog runs into a boot and Warlord hooks the Full Nelson but Smith powers out of it and he picks up Warlord and hits the running powerslam for the pin at 8:14. Too long of a match here 1/2*

 

Tag Team Title Match: The Hart Foundation VS The Nasty Boys (with Jimmy Hart)

The Nasties won a tag team battle royal that ended in controversy (more on that later) to become the challengers here. Macualay Culken is shown in the audience and Gorilla says “He doesn’t want to be Home Alone with the Nasty Boys.” I don’t blame him. Bret Hart starts with Jerry Sags. They tie up in the corner and Jerry gets a shot over the refs shoulder. I remember that one of my classmates while I was at school at the time had his hair cut just like Sags. Bret hits a Lou Thesz press on Sags and an inverted atomic drop on Brian Knobs. Bret catches the foot of Sags and trips him. He threatens a Sharpshooter but just kicks him in the gut instead. Knobs comes in and taunts Jim Neidhart on the apron. The Anvil gets the tag. Knobs gets some shots but Anvil powers him in the corner and hits a hiptoss and knocks him to the outside and Sags gets nailed as well. Anvil goes to an armbar on Knobs but is dragged in the wrong corner. Sags starts working on Anvil but is dropped. Bret comes in and hammers on Sags. He does the 10 punch count. Russian leg sweep followed by a 2nd rope elbow. Knobs comes in immedateily and he nails Bret from behind. Sags clotheslines him to the outside. Back in Bret is rammed into the corner. Sags hits a backbreaker for 2. He goes to a camel clutch. Knobs comes in and goes to a camel clutch as well. Sags continues to work on the back of Bret Hart and hits a Rude Awakning for 2 and it’s back to the clutch. Yawn. Bret gets up and hits a Rude Awakining of his own. Knobs comes in and stops the tag and he goes to the clutch again. Bret gets up and backslams Knobs and Sags stops the tag again. Knobs misses a charge in the corner and makes the tag but the ref didn’t see it. Knobs grabs the Megaphone and inadvertanly nails Sags with it. Anvil gets the hop tag and he works on both Nasties. He hits an elbow on Knobs for 2. Powerslam for another 2. 4 man brawl erupts and both Nasties run into each other. The Harts hit the Hart attack but Sags gets the megaphone and nails Anvil with it and Knobs gets the pin at 12:10 to make the Nasties the new tag team champs. Good match but Bret playing FIP was pretty slow **1/2

 

We get a look at the feud between Jake Roberts and Rick Martel. On WWF Superstars Rick Martel for several weeks had been spraty the set on the Brother Love show with his arrogance before leaving. On October 6th 1990, Brother Love asks Martel to stay on the show. As a result Rick sprays Jake Roberts right in the eye with his arrogance. One week later he is given white contacts to see. 2 weeks after that on the BL show Jake tries to find Martel but Martel slaps him and Jake DDT’s BL and we get a look at his eyes (Ewww.) Right before Survivor Series Jake runs in in a match between Martel and Tito Santana but he attacks Santana inadvertently. Tonight’s match will be a blindfold match

 

Blindfold Match: Jake Roberts VS Rick Martel

I remember Martel was fuming over this matchup when this was announced. Both men are wearing hoods with obvious eye holes in em but they act like they are both blindfolded and they try to find each other. Really dumb. Jake grabs jake on the leg but then loses him but he school boys him and Martel goes to a choke. He does an Irish whip and puts his head down but Jake goes to the right. Funny. They try to find each other again. Jake goes into the corner but Rick moves out of it. Martel slams Jake but Jake gets up and Rick misses an elbow and is mad about it. Martel grabs the ref in the corner so he lets go. Jake gets a waist lock but they get to the ropes. Martel finds the green bag with Damian inside so he quickly lets go of it. Martel knocks Jake outside the ring. Martel goes outside and grabs a chair and starts swinging at air and he hits the ringpost and hurts his hands. Back in Martel hits a backbreaker and hooks the Boston Crab but Jake powers out of it and he hits the DDT. He looks around for a minute before pinning Martel at 8:33. Dumb match but it was interesting and the crowd was hot -*** Jake then busts up the arrogance spray and he drops Damian on Rick.

 

Marla Maples interviews the Nasty Boys in the locker room and the entire Jimmy Hart stable joins in on the celebration

 

Jimmy Snuka VS The Undertaker (With Paul Bearer)

This is UT’s first Wrestlemania. UT nails Snuka from behind and hammers on him in the corner. He hits a flying clothesline. Snuka reverses a whip but runs into a knee and goes to the outside. UT suplexes him back in the ring but he misses an elbow. Snuka starts fighting back and hits a headbutt but he runs into the ropes and outside again. Snuka slingshots onto UT but it caught and UT hits the tombstone for the pin at 4:20. Squash match. DUD

 

We get a look at the feud between Ultimate Warrior VS Macho King. Savage attacks Warrior on The Main Event on November 23rd 1990. At the Royal Rumble Queen Sherri asks for a title match from the Macho King but UW says no. Macho King responds by attacking UW in the aisleway during the WWF title match VS Sgt. Slaughter. Later Slaughter jumps UW from behind and chokes him on the ropes. Savage nails UW in the head with the scepter and Slaughter gets the pin to become the new WWF champion.

 

Career Match: Ultimate Warrior VS Randy Savage (With Queen Sherri)

Bobby Heenan sees Elizabeth who is seated in the aisleway. Anyway’s the loser of the match will have his career ended. UW walks to the ring and on the back on his tights has the WWF title and around it says “(My career) Means much more than this!” Savage draws some heat by jumping on the 2nd rope and UW gets some pops. They tie up and UW shoves off Savage. Savage gets a knee and an eye rake. Shoulderblock by UW and Savage is on the outside. Back in UW hits a clothesline and a high choke hold. He hits an inverted atomic drop, and a regular atomic drop. Sherri comes in but she is dumped out. UW ties Savage in the ropes. Savage kicks UW in the head and hits a clothesline. He goes to the top and UW catches him in midair and just sets him back down as an insult. Savage goes outside and grabs a chair but the ref throws it out. UW continues to pound on Savage. He misses a charge and goes to the outside. Sherri nails her with a right hand and Savage hits a double ax handle form the top. Sherri is shoved down but UW is jumped from behind and is rammed into the post. Back inside Savage slams UW and hits a kneedrop for 2. UW gets a backslide for 2. Savage jumps to the outside but he climbs back in and is nailed. UW goes to too many ropes and misses a flying tackle and Savage gets 2. Savage going to the sleeper hold. UW gets back up and they clothesline each other. Sherri tries to wake her man up. UW turns a slam into a small package and gets 2. Savage knees UW into the ref. Sherri comes to the top rope and hits his own man with her shoe. UW chases Sherri outside the ring and he grabs her but Savage rolls him up for 2. UW is rammed into the corner and Savage does a stungun. Savage does another stungun and a clothesline to the neck. Savage slams UW for 2. He goes to the top and hits his flying elbow smash. He goes back up and hits another one. He would proceed to hit 3 more and he covers him for only 2!!!! Savage can’t believe it! Savage continues to pound and UW starts shaking those ropes. UW starts pounding on Savage now. He hits the Gorilla Press slam followed by the big splash but gets 2! UW looks up to the heavens now and asks whether he should continue his career. He then starts to leave the ring but the ref warns him that if he leaves he’ll be counted out and his career is over. In the meantime Savage gets up and nails UW. He and Sherri set up UW’s throat on the rail and Savage pulls Sherri off and nails Savage in midair. UW sends Savage back in and he hits a flying tackle sending Savage to the outside. UW hits another flying tackle and Savage goes to the outside again. He throws Savage back in and hits another spear sending Savage to the outside again. UW brings him back in and pins him at 20:48. Sherri is pissed about this and she comes in the ring and attacks a beaten Savage. Elizabeth can’t stand it and she climbs over the rail and comes in the ring and throws Sherri out of the ring. She helps Savage but he doesn’t know what’s happening. He almost hits what she thought was Sherri but then she sees Liz. They both hug and embrace in the ring as they are reunited and there’s not a dry eye in the arena. A terrific match and the aftermath give this match *****.

 

Vince McMahon talks about Instant Replay with George Steinbrenner (A fake) and Paul McGuire. Bad segment but then again anything involving the Bushwhackers is bad.

 

Tenryu and Kitao VS Demolition (Smash and Crush with Mr. Fuji)

These are two japanese guys who are jumped by Demoliton. Crush takes a knee by Kitao and a four man brawl occurs and Fuji hits Kitao with his cane. Crush tags Smash and they pound on Kitao. Smash hits a back suplex. Crush hits a top rope double ax handle. Smash comes back in and hammers on Kitao. Crush comes in and hits a headbutt. Kitao hits a clothesline on Smash and tags Tenryu. He hammers on both Demos and he misses a back elbow from the top. Crush comes in and hits a back breaker and Smash hits a back suplex. A four man brawl occurs and the Demos try their finisher but Kitao throws Crush out. Tenry hits an enzugri and hits a powerbomb on Smash for the pin at 4:41. Only match for these two guys in the WWF and it shows. DUD

 

IC Title Match: Mr. Perfect (with Bobby Heenan) VS The Big Boss Man

Lord Alfred Hayes is subbing for Heenan on commentary. (Oh boy!) Boss throws Perfect’s own towel in Perfect’s face. Henning with a slap. Boss Man nails Perfect outside. Back in he does an airplane spin. Boss Man with some quick maneuvers and he throws Perfect outside. Back in he misses a charge and Perfect takes advantage. He is thrown in the corner and does a 360. Boss Man does a butt splash on the ropes. He lashes Perfect with a belt. Perfect gets the belt and nails Boss Man in the stomach with it. They exchange some blows and Boss Man is thrown into the corner. Perfect goes to the chinlock and uses the ropes for leverage. He does an Ab stretch. Perfect gets a 2 count and some chops. Snap Mare by Perfect followed by a neck snap. Perfect tries the Plex but is small packaged for 2. Another neck snap by Perfect for 2. Perfect goes to the top and falls into a boot. He rams Perfect into the corner and throws him across the ring. He rams Perfect into the post. Boss Man with some jabs and he punches him to the outside. He goes outside and confronts Heenan but is thrown into the steps. Andre The Giant who still remembers WM VI comes out. Perfect takes off the turnbuckle pad while Andre has the IC title. He goes after the belt but Andre nails him with it. Both men are down and Boss Man gets up but goes back down. He covers Perfect for 2. Haku and Barbarian come in and draw the DQ at 10:44. They attack the Boss Man but he makes his own save. Decent enough match **

 

Gene Okerlund interviews Donald Trump, Chuck Norris, Henry Winkler and Lou Ferrigno in the audience. Bobby: How can Lou Ferrigno talk with 15 pounds of crackers in his mouth?

 

Greg Valentine VS Earthquake (with Jimmy Hart)

Earthquake’s run as top heel has come and gone.  They tie up to start and Quake powers Greg into the corner and drives some knees. He hits a powerslam for 2. Quake misses a charge and Hammer starts hammering away. Greg hits some elbows and Quake no sells all of em. Greg finally brings Quake down with a 2nd rope elbow. He tries the Figure Four but Jimmy Hart distracts him. Greg tries it again but Jimmy jumps on the apron and Quake nails him from behind and he hits an elbow and the Sitting butt splash finishes it at 3:17. DUD

 

Legion Of Doom VS Power and Glory (Hercules and Paul Roma with Slick)

In the aforementioned tag team battle royal, P&G cost LOD the match. P&G jump the LOD from behind but Hawk hits a double clothesline. Hawk is backdropped to the outside. Animal catches Roma and hits a power slam and they hit the Doomsday Device on Roma for the pin at :59. It’s P&G’s own fault they got squashed so quickly. DUD

 

We look at the feud between Ted Dibiase and Virgil. Dibiase forced his then bodyguard Virgil to do embarrassing favors for him (wiping the sweat off his brow, wiping the dog crap off of his boots and cleaning the fungus from between his toes.) At the Royal Rumble the frustrated Virgil nails Dibiase with the Million Dollar Belt turning babyface. One month later in a match between Virgil and Haku. Roddy Piper distracts Haku long enough for Virgil to pin Haku. Just the day before WM, Virgil helps jobber Kevin Greeno get a countout win over Dibiase.

 

Virgil (With Roddy Piper) VS Ted Dibiase

Piper has an injured leg due to a motorcycle accident. Virgil starts it off with some jabs. He’s really taking it to Teddy. Virgil lands some more punches sending Dibiase to the outside. He clotheslines Ted outside once again. Virgil throws Dibiase back in and Ted nails him. Virgil with an elbow for 2. He trips Dibiase but Dibiase trips him and starts taking it to Virgil. Dibiase hits a clothesline. He hits a piledriver for 2. Dibiase with a suplex for 2. Gut wrench suplex for another 2. Virgil is thrown outside and Dibiase goes out after him. Dibiase throws Virgil back in and shoves Piper. Dibiase hits a powerslam. Piper pulls the top rope for Dibiase and Ted goes sailing to the outside. Ted nails Piper and kicks him and Dibiase is counted out at 7:39. Ok match *1/2. Dibiase places the Milllion Dollar Dream on Virgil but Piper comes in the ring with his crutch and he nails Dibiase with it but Sensational Sherri comes in the ring and the two work on Piper’s injured leg. Virgil makes the save and then tells Piper to get up and he does so. The two are best of friends and they show it here.

 

Sgt. Slaughter cuts a promo on the upcoming title match. They show a video of him burning a Hulk Rules T shirt and another of him attacking Hogan and Duggan and spitting on them both

 

Tito Santana VS The Mountie (with Jimmy Hart)

The Mountie is Jacques Rougeau and Tito is…well Tito. They tie up and Tito hits a flying forearm sending Mountie outside and he rams his and Jimmy’s heads together. Tito hits an atomic drop and a right hand. Mountie grabs the bottom ropes and the shock stick and jams it into Santana and pins him at 1:20. DUD

 

Hulk Hogan cuts a promo now and they show a video of him VS General Adnan. Sgt. Slaughter attacks him from behind with the WWF title and his stick. Later he places him in the camel clutch while Adnan taunts Hogan with the WWF title.

 

WWF Title Match: Sgt. Slaughter (with General Adnan) VS Hulk Hogan

Regis Philbin, Marla Maples and Alex Trebek are introduced. Regis joins Gorilla and Bobby for commentary. Marla is the timekeeper and Alex is the ring announcer and he is TERRIBLE at it. Hogan chases Sarge and Adnan around. Slaughter stalls by getting his belt and his ring attire off. They tie up and the ref has to break it up. Hogan shoves the ref and they tie up again. Same thing happens again and Hogan gets a shove off. They tie up again and Hogan gets a side headlock and they trade a shoulderblock. Hogan takes Sarge down with a shoulderblock and Slaughter goes to the outside and Hogan nails him out there. He chokes Adnan and Slaughter grabs a chair and nails Hogan but he no sells it. They go back in the ring and Slaughter gets an eye poke. He rams Hogan into the turnbuckle and an elbow. Slaughter with some knee drops. And he misses an elbow. Hogan hits a clothesline and he nails Adnan. Hogan starts hammering on Slaughter now and he hits an atomic drop for 2. He scratches Slaughter outside and hits an elbow for 2. He throws Slaughter to turnbuckle after turnbuckle and hits a backdrop. He rams Sarge into the turnbuckle and slingshots him to the post. He continues to hammer on Slaughter and does the 10 punch count in the corner. He covers him for 2. Hogan goes to the 2nd rope and no sells a shot to the stomach. He slams Slaughter and hits an elbow. He goes to the top rope but Adnan grabs the leg and Slaughter slams him off the top rope. He clotheslines Hogan to the outside and rams him into the ringpost. He grabs a chair and whacks him in the back with it. He grabs a cable and wraps it around Hogan’s throat. Back in Slaughter goes to work on the back. He hits a backbreaker on Hogan for 2. Slaughter continues to go to work on the back and he hooks the Boston Crab close to the ropes but Hogan doesn’t even grab the ropes. Idiot. Finally he grabs the ropes to break the hold. Slaughter continues to work on that lower back. He goes to the top rope and hits a flying foot drop. He covers Hogan but Adnan costs his own man and as a result Hogan kicks out. Slaughter goes outside and grabs another chair and he clobbers Hogan in the forehead busting him open. Slaughter gets 2. Slaughter goes after the bloodied forehead of Hogan now. Sarge hooks the Camel Clutch. Hogan gets up and Slaughter rams him into the turnbuckle. Slaughter grabs the Iraq flag and covers Hogan with it. He tries to pin him but Hulk starts to Hulk up and he tears up the Iraq flag. Hogan no sells Slaughter’s offense and he hits him with three punches and the big boot/legdrop finishes it at 20:23. to become the Champ for the third time. Good match ***.

 

Summary: This was a mixed bag of a Wrestlemania with some good stuff and some bad however the bad outweighs the good here RECOMMENDED